Hitting the Wall

2018 was a fairly shitty year for me.

I hit the wall (again!)

The beginning of the year was average 😉

I’d decided to come of HRT at the end of 2017 to see how my mind and body would react.

It sure reacted! The wheels slowly fell off.

My mental health dived (that’s how the menopause seems to get me). I felt exhausted, depressed and full of anxiety (which isnt something I normally experience)

It seems even though I am technically eight years post menopause age 46 my body still wants ‘dem hormones!

I had a conversation with my great GP and decided to go back on HRT July last year and it definitely ‘took the edge of’ my symptoms.

BUT

I still wasn’t feeling great, I had an underlying feeling of depression and apathy.

I knew I needed help! I reached out to a coach who has helped me in the past. We talked about my options and how she could support me back to ‘me’.

It was a huge investment, the most amount of money I have ever spent on myself…. but deep down I knew I had to do something radically different to get me back on track.

We started the deep work, it was tough, painful and I learnt a lot about myself that was uncomforatble. But I felt so loved and supported by my coach that it felt do-able.

I wanted to give up! My brain wanted me to stay stuck in the uncomfortable comfort of depression. I had to fight!

Then in August my seventeen year old son was falsely accused of some very serious allegations made by two girls, one of whom was my daughters best friend. Our world was turned upside down (i cant say much more as this is an ongoing police investigation)

I was thrown into full ‘lioness’ mode – don’t mess with my cubs!

Throughout all this I was still doing the deep coaching with my amazing coach. She supported, guided and loved me through those highly stressful months.

As awful as it was/is it has shown me how resilient I am now. I have grown so much over the last six months.

I’ve learnt how to take a radical stand for myself and my self care. I know my drivers and my weak spots. Every.damn.day I show up for myself. I am no longer a victim and expecting someone to save me. Only I can save myself and that feels so powerful.

My addictive behaviours has lessened. I live more mindfully and intentionally.

I’m back bitches! ha ha

This week is the first time in eight months that I feel like I am ready to get back to work – my work of supporting women through the menopause and midlife changes.

I feel like I’m wearing new glasses and see myself and the world in a different way. I’m also wearing new clothes as I pretty easily shed some weight that has been hanging around over the last few years.

You may be reading this while you feel like crap and think ‘well it’s ok for you’…..

I get it, I really do….. when you feel like crap the last thing you want to hear is someone who is positive and happy.

I’m sharing this because I know how bad life can feel sometimes, I’ve been in that deep dark pit of despair when it feels like there is no escape.

I have escaped!

and so can you….. but doing the ‘self-exploration’ I’ve done isn’t for everyone. I had to hit that wall many times before I was ready.

Before I finally said ‘enough is enough’, I am not prepared to exist like this anymore.

I could do all the HRT, supplements, diet, exercise etc but that does not touch my spirit and soul. That was the work I need to do 🙂

The great thing is that I’m creating courses, workshops and one to one experiences to help woman with these changes.

My belief is that the menopause is much more than ‘fixing symptoms’ (yes i know thats part of the story) it’s about connecting to ourselves, our needs, our wants and desires.

Changing my mindset, creating new beliefs and radically taking a stand for myself has changed my life.

Last year I knew 2019 had to be different to 2018 and I knew I had to do something radcially different from the way I was.

I’m so proud of myself for taking the plunge and ‘digging in’ to the work and trusting someone else to guide me.

Exciting 🙂 xx