I’d decided to come of HRT at the end of 2017 to see how my mind and body would react.
It sure reacted! The wheels slowly fell off.
My mental health dived (that’s how the menopause seems to get me). I felt exhausted, depressed and full of anxiety (which isnt something I normally experience)
It seems even though I am technically eight years post menopause age 46 my body still wants ‘dem hormones!
I had a conversation with my great GP and decided to go back on HRT July last year and it definitely ‘took the edge of’ my symptoms.
BUT
I still wasn’t feeling great, I had an underlying feeling of depression and apathy.
I knew I needed help! I reached out to a coach who has helped me in the past. We talked about my options and how she could support me back to ‘me’.
It was a huge investment, the most amount of money I have ever spent on myself…. but deep down I knew I had to do something radically different to get me back on track.
We started the deep work, it was tough, painful and I learnt a lot about myself that was uncomforatble. But I felt so loved and supported by my coach that it felt do-able.
I wanted to give up! My brain wanted me to stay stuck in the uncomfortable comfort of depression. I had to fight!
Then in August my seventeen year old son was falsely accused of some very serious allegations made by two girls, one of whom was my daughters best friend. Our world was turned upside down (i cant say much more as this is an ongoing police investigation)
I was thrown into full ‘lioness’ mode – don’t mess with my cubs!
Throughout all this I was still doing the deep coaching with my amazing coach. She supported, guided and loved me through those highly stressful months.
As awful as it was/is it has shown me how resilient I am now. I have grown so much over the last six months.
I’ve learnt how to take a radical stand for myself and my self care. I know my drivers and my weak spots. Every.damn.day I show up for myself. I am no longer a victim and expecting someone to save me. Only I can save myself and that feels so powerful.
My addictive behaviours has lessened. I live more mindfully and intentionally.
I’m back bitches! ha ha
This week is the first time in eight months that I feel like I am ready to get back to work – my work of supporting women through the menopause and midlife changes.
I feel like I’m wearing new glasses and see myself and the world in a different way. I’m also wearing new clothes as I pretty easily shed some weight that has been hanging around over the last few years.
You may be reading this while you feel like crap and think ‘well it’s ok for you’…..
I get it, I really do….. when you feel like crap the last thing you want to hear is someone who is positive and happy.
I’m sharing this because I know how bad life can feel sometimes, I’ve been in that deep dark pit of despair when it feels like there is no escape.
I have escaped!
and so can you….. but doing the ‘self-exploration’ I’ve done isn’t for everyone. I had to hit that wall many times before I was ready.
Before I finally said ‘enough is enough’, I am not prepared to exist like this anymore.
I could do all the HRT, supplements, diet, exercise etc but that does not touch my spirit and soul. That was the work I need to do 🙂
The great thing is that I’m creating courses, workshops and one to one experiences to help woman with these changes.
My belief is that the menopause is much more than ‘fixing symptoms’ (yes i know thats part of the story) it’s about connecting to ourselves, our needs, our wants and desires.
Changing my mindset, creating new beliefs and radically taking a stand for myself has changed my life.
Last year I knew 2019 had to be different to 2018 and I knew I had to do something radcially different from the way I was.
I’m so proud of myself for taking the plunge and ‘digging in’ to the work and trusting someone else to guide me.
Just for a moment stop resisting, fighting, yearning for what was…
The ‘change’, the menopause transition, the terrifying steps towards your ‘autumn years’ cannot be slowed down or stopped.
Yes you can fight it! And you do..
As your body sends you messages that you are unwilling to listen to, you push harder, do more, ignore the signs, mask the messages, quieten your inner voice.
Yes you can take the supplements, change your diet, exercise more, take HRT, try the herbs suggested by your neighbour, read the books, watch the videos….
Nothing wrong with that….but are you just trying to fix yourself because you feel broken?
I know you are desperate to feel better. I’ve been there too
The emotional rollercoaster, the anxiety, depression, the aches and pains, the greying hairs, looser skin, tighter jeans and laughter lines.
You feel untethered, lost and confused. Who am I?
So you read more, listen more….you just want to feel better, to feel like you used to.
You hate menopause! You feel your body is failing you. It’s just not fair damn it!
You want someone, something to fix you. But sister you can only heal yourself.
But you’re too tired, exhausted, wrung out….you can barely function let alone heal yourself right?
Pause
Listen
She is whispering to you. Who is she? The inner you, your wisdom, your soul, your essence, your intuition.
You feel stuck, you feel fear! The voice is terrifying, what she wants feels daunting and impossibly selfish.
How can you possibly want more for yourself? To grow, evolve, blossom and shine.
Who are you to demand more from life? To follow your dreams and be happy.
What will they think? What will theysay?
You have to be a great mum, husband, sister, wife, lover, daughter first…..then you’ll have time for yourself.
The truth is that you will always come last if you put others first.
You feel naked, raw and exposed. So, so sensitive.
The illusion is that it’s easier to fight it, ignore it, push against it. Eat and drink those feelings, desires and yearnings away.
Numb your dreams with Netflix and Facebook.
Compare yourself to others so it feels ok to feel stuck. It feels ‘normal’.
Fuck normal!
The minutes, days and years are ticking by….tick tock, tick tock…
You can’t hide from it, it will always be on your shoulder, you can’t stop it but you CAN decide to start listening.
‘The change’, any change feels scary and we hide from it but have you considered that there is FREEDOM the other side?
Pause, just for a minute.
Listen to your hearts desires because all of the ‘symptoms of menopause’ are just messages.
Mother nature is giving you a loving nudge, when we ignore the nudge it becomes a kick.
Sometimes we need to experience a breakdown, a rock bottom, the jumping off place before we are willing to open our eyes and see what we need to see.
There is no right or wrong, good or bad way.
Can it be as simple as making a decision, for don’t we all have choice?
Is today the day you decide that you are unwilling to live the way you are living? To feel the way you are feeling?
Is right now the time you open your eyes and see yourself? Your beautiful, gorgeous, perfectly imperfect self?
If you feel like giving up; try giving up ignoring your needs, giving up being so hard on yourself, giving up giving up on yourself.
The menopause is a transition from one stage of life to another. The hormonal flux will level out, the emotional rollercoaster will slow down, you won’t feel like this forever.
You won’t EVER feel like you did in your twenties, you are growing into someone new.
That’s exciting. Today could be the start of something incredible if you decide it to be
Sister, please don’t give up on yourself. Hang in there because there is so much more to discover.
I’m not giving up on you, I will be here for you until you can be here for yourself
Something happens around menopause and mid-life. A shift, a change in perspective, an awakening, a realisation….
Our mind, body, and spirit start to shout.
We’ve ignored this voice for all these years. We’ve been too busy.
Busy with growing family’s and/or careers. Too busy doing ‘stuff’.
Too busy to listen to that voice, the voice that whispers in the dark “is this it?”
The childlike voice that screams in tantrum ‘it’s not fair, what about me?”
We hit our late 40s and early 50s and we start hitting those bigger birthdays.
As we dance through the decades faster and faster we can see the last curtain call is scarily closer than seems possible.
Our mortality becomes more tangible. We begin to lose friends and family along the way as they transition to another place.
Every loss makes us think “shit! I’m running out of time”. It reminds us of our fragility.
But even the loss of a loved one isn’t enough to take action and to live life more fully. Sure the initial shock makes us listen, question and look briefly at our own existence.
But as time marches on we slip back comfortably into our uncomfortable lives.
It’s not that we have a bad life and sure, we’re grateful for what we have (are we?).
But “what’s next?” our inner self-asks?
For me, the blessing of aging, maturing (?) and gaining life experience is that I don’t give so much of a shit (oh I still have doubts and wobbles).
I care less what people think and I’ve come to realise what is important. I’ve learned to sweat less about the small stuff as I gain a new perspective on my life.
“what really matters?”
At mid-life, in the interval of our show called life we get thrown reminders that life is for
LIVING.
All those horrible peri-menopause symptoms we hear about and feel are messages, signs and signals.
In the space between each heart beat we know something isn’t quite right!
We are out of balance, adrift, we feel a bit off.
Yes, HRT and supplements, nutrition, exercise and meditation may help BUT….
There is a deeper yearning. Do you feel it? Hear it? Sense it?
This is YOUR time to shine, to grow, to love but…
FEAR
Fear stops us living wholeheartedly.
Fear of change.
Fear of the TRUTH.
Are you happy? Are you fulfilled? Are you living the best version of your life?
These questions, or rather the answers to these questions can be terrifying!
So we use alcohol, Facebook, food, {insert other addictive behaviors} to numb those callings, YOUR inner voice who is desperate to be heard.
And when those addictive behaviors cause more pain than joy we try and stop them by going cold turkey. We stop the very thing that we were using to help ‘fix’ us.
If I change the way I eat, stop smoking, stop drinking battle of wine a day THEN I will be happy and feel better?
Hmmmm…maybe…..for a while , if you believe that BS.
We have to tackle the deeper stuff…..
The ‘why’s’.
Why are we smoking, drinking, eating, Netflixing (numbing) our way through life?
What are we avoiding?
Our deeper calling, that bloody voice that keeps telling you ‘I’m not happy, I’m not fulfilled…… I don’t want a 9-5 job I want to be a self-employed gardener’
Damn!! That voice, that TRUTHFUL voice is terrifying!
It’s easier to turn that bitch down. STFU.
But at mid-life, that bitch gets MAD, she doesn’t like being ignored.
So she’ll make you listen……. Hot flushes, insomnia (nothing like being wide awake at 3am and full of fear to make you listen), night sweats, lower libido, anxiety, depression, fatigue…
ALL these symptoms are isolating and will STOP you living your life.
So maybe you need to start listening, really listen?
I say yes to healthier habits.
What you eat, how you eat.
Moving more (in a way you enjoy).
Finding some quiet time (and turn down the chattering, mind monkeys)
But there is more. You KNOW there is more.
Anyone who is over the age of 40 will tell you how it feels like life speeds up.
Time goes faster (where did the last year go? Is it Christmas again already?)
We are busier and busier than ever (doing what?)….so busy that we don’t acknowledge life, or live life.
Really live it.
How many times a day do you say “I’m too busy”, “I don’t have enough time”, “I wish I had more time”
Bull shit, I say…..we all have the same 24 hours a day.
It’s how we CHOOSE to use them that counts.
And don’t give me those “yes but’s…..”
‘Yes but’ always precedes an excuse.
That’s the truth.
So what is mid-life and menopause all about?
The more I talk and write about it the more I realise there is another story to be written.
YOUR STORY
Mid-life and menopause is the PERFECT time to assess YOU and the LIFE you are living.
It’s the perfect time to grab life by your tired ovaries and decide that tomorrow starts today.
TODAY. NOW. Now is all we have.
Don’t wait for tomorrow to really start living life.towar
It is completely in YOUR POWER to feel happy, fulfilled, healthy and confident as you head towards the ‘second act’ of life.
This ain’t no dress rehearsal.
Change can be big or small. You don’t have to walk away from your old life (unless you want to) you can start the momentum by making a small change.
Time passes anyway; whether you choose to sit in depression, wallow in your ailments and sit on your pity pot OR you DECIDE today that you can start to live, really LIVE, your life in a way that is meaningful for you.
One thing I have learned along the way is that we get to choose how we want to be every morning when we first wake up. How do you start your day?
Every day we can start again and if you having a crap day you can start your day again at any time.
Live intentionally, laugh more, don’t take yourself so seriously, do more of the stuff that brings you joy or don’t……it’s up to you.
The moment you begin living TRUTHFULLY is when you will begin to find harmony and flow.
(be warned though….others may not like your truth)
This may not be the blog you want to read, especially if you are experiencing menopause symptoms and not living the life you desire. You just want to feel better right?
I’ve been in the depths of depression and anxiety.
I’ve felt lost, hopeless and like a worthless bag of shit.
I’ve felt powerless and unable to make even the smallest decisions.
The ‘not enough mantra’ is well rehearsed in my mind.
Not young enough
Not good enough
Not rich enough
Not thin enough
ENOUGH already!
But I have never given up (I have surrendered and let go) but I’ve always sought a solution. I’ve always known deep down that there is more to this short time I have on planet earth.
Change for me has always come from being open, honest and truthful.
My wish and desire are to get under the layers of menopause and mid-life baggage.
Yes, I can and want to help women feel better about themselves and live an amazing life.
But that doesn’t just come from a few lifestyle changes (don’t get me wrong these really help and are part of the bigger picture)
I want to help women wake up and realise their potential, to refocus their life, to fall in LOVE with life again.
To love themselves (cliché I know). To shine in the world.
BUT I realise not every woman is ready for that. Not yet, not ever…and that’s ok.
Our mindset, thoughts and overthinking stand in our way. For a long-lasting change we need to work on what goes on between our ears. Get a little PMA (positive mental attitude) and acceptance around this stage in life.
Begin by questioning your beliefs and thoughts. Those familiar scripts that we play automatically.
Do you know what you want?
We can all list what we don’t want. But what do you WANT, DESIRE and WISH for?
Start to ask yourself those questions and watch the magic happen.
Big Love
T xx
If you want more help answering these questions and more click the link below
The last six months have been a massive struggle for me. It felt like my world came crashing down.
Depression
Anxiety
Zero energy
Apathetic
Sluggish and lethargic
On some days it was a struggle to get out of bed.
I’d given up…..I quit! Life seemed bleak. I felt so lonely.
I had brief glimpses of feeling better only to feel a day later like I was being sucked into a black hole.
I didn’t want to speak to anyone, see my friends or connect with the others.
Gah!
But this felt familiar…..I knew these signs……I had felt like this and worse 8 years ago when I was going through an early menopause.
I knew my hormones were talking to me!
I also had other ‘stuff’ going on like my ongoing gut issues. I know my gut is fundamental to my overall wellbeing. I knew what I should be doing and what I would recommend to a client with the same gut stuff.
But I the thought of planning and cooking meals was so overwhelming that I didn’t do it. It almost sounds ridiculous to write. Every decision felt too much. I was full of self-doubt and had lost any connection with myself and my intuition.
I was so exhausted that I couldn’t exercise apart from walk the dog. And exercise always makes me feel better. I felt hopeless and lost.
I was a walking bag of excuses…..I felt like I had failed. My inner dialogue as awful. Those mind monkeys weren’t just chattering they were screaming! I felt like I was losing my mind.
In the midst of all this, my fried brain reminded me that I had stopped using HRT nine months earlier.
Oh…….
I thought that being eight years post menopause at the age of 46 I didn’t need hormonal support. I felt a failure somehow…I was Mrs Menopause, a menopause expert, and nutritional therapist and I should be able to do this naturally. What a load of BS my ego was telling me. I am a human being doing the best I can.
My body was telling me loud and clear it needed help. So after a few more weeks wrestling with making a decision, I decided to see my GP.
I saw a new female GP (Dr. Burns) who was amazing. I felt listened to 🙂 We talked about my options and some new types of HRT to try. When I left the surgery I felt like a huge weight had been lifted.
Ah…..
I have been back on HRT since 12th July 2018 (now 6 weeks) and I’m feeling so much better.
I’m on an estrogen gel and oral progesterone at night ( I also have a secret stash of testosterone which I use occasionally). The GP suggested a Mirena coil but it didn’t feel right for me.
HRT is not a magic wand (but it feels like I’ve been sprinkled with fairy dust ;-)) but I feel it’s giving me hormonal support and a window to be able to look after other areas of my health.
This week I did a home yoga work out which my body thanked me for.✔️
I also planned my meals for the week, made a shopping list and went shopping.✔️
I have told the family they are cooking their own evening meals if they don’t want to eat what I’m eating.✔️
I have restarted my morning routine which always helps set the day off to a good start.✔️
I have moved into my new office (finally my own space to retreat into)✔️
And I have had a fluttering of creativity returning (hence why I writing this post)✔️
It feels good to be back 🙂 The rest of this year is focused on me and my health. I’ll be sharing my journey, the ups, and downs with my community as I know this helps others.
I know how great I can feel when I am in good health and I want that feeling back.
So my sister, don’t you give up! If you are in a hole there is a way out. It may not be HRT but there are other ways to support your body.
I beg you to put yourself at the top of the list. Your health and well-being are so important. Make a small change today that will benefit your wellbeing. Midlife, menopause or wherever you are is a time to take stock and reconnect to yourself on every level.
Health isn’t just about eating healthier and move more (for sure that plays apart). Your soul and spirit also need love and attention. Our emotions, feelings and our mental wellbeing are all part of the same conversation.
If you need help or someone to listen to you (really listening is what I’m good at) then feel free to jump on a free call with me. My invitation is without obligation, it’s not a ‘sales call’. It’s one woman listening to another and giving some advice if it’s asked for. Speaking and connecting with other woman fills my soul and it’s a gift that I love.
I’ve never questioned the history of international women’s day (IWD) until I mentioned it to my (Russian) good friend. She said in Russia it’s a big thing, lots of celebrations with gifts of flowers and jewellery!
It’s a public holiday in many countries though sadly not in the UK! (i’m booking 8th March off next year)
Hmmmmm…….not sure my husband is going to buy into this….he annoying rolls his eyes at anything remotely related to ‘feminism”. Not that i call myself a feminist….I believe in equality.
Don’t tell the men but there is an international mens day too on 19th November…. but we’ll keep that quiet ha ha. Joking aside I think it should be equal and we should celebrate each other.
The theme this year is for positive role models which is a great theme 🙂
Objectives of International Men’s Day include a focus on men’s and boy’s health, improving gender relations, promoting gender equality, and highlighting positive male role models. It is an occasion for men to celebrate their achievements and contributions, in particular their contributions to community, family, marriage, and child care while highlighting the discrimination against them.
“International Women’s Day is celebrated in many countries around the world. It is a day when women are recognized for their achievements without regard to divisions, whether national, ethnic, linguistic, cultural, economic or political. International Women’s Day first emerged from the activities of labour movements at the turn of the twentieth century in North America and across Europe.”
1909 The first National Woman’s Day was observed in the United States on 28 February.
1917 Against the backdrop of the war, women in Russia again chose to protest and strike for “Bread and Peace” on the last Sunday in February (which fell on 8 March on the Gregorian calendar). Four days later, the Czar abdicated and the provisional Government granted women the right to vote.
1975 During International Women’s Year, the United Nations began celebrating International Women’s Day on 8 March.
Celebrate Every Day
Today I celebrate myself, all women, the ones without a voice, the ones that will never experience equality, the women fighting for equality, all the women in my community and the women I admire.
Mothers, daughters and sisters.
BUT I also celebrate all HUMAN BEINGS….we ALL deserve to be treated equally, with love and respect.
Let’s do this EVERY DAY…..not just on a designated day…….EVERY.DAMN.DAY……celebrate, support, encourage humanity.
Last week I was pretty productive but lacking creativity.
I struggle to be creative at home when surrounded by mess, clutter and distractions.
I told to my husband that I ‘needed a wife’ so I could hide in my office and work and someone would look after me!
I guess that’s not going to happen….So I took action ✅
I asked my client if I could use her cute country cottage for 4 days and 3 nights. I told my husband and teens they’re on their own 👋🏻
I packed my bags and my dog 🐶
And here I am …. focused and distraction free.
Minimal cooking, cleaning and no looking after anyone else but ME!
I love my life but I need a break and that’s 👌🏻 ok.
By fulfilling my needs and charging my ‘self care battery’ I will be able to serve my clients and my family.
Is that selfish?
Nah! It’s essential. I have my needs to and they’re as important as anyone else’s.
Not only am I writing my book ‘’midlife manifesto’ I’m living it too.
My life
My rules
One body,one mind, one menopause….I get to choose who I want to be in the next adventure.
Subscribe below to receive your free guide on how to have a happier menopause
Thank you :-) Now check your email to confirm your subscription and you'll receive your 7 secrets to a happier menopause
Lady Care
A message from Tanith
Founder, Mrs Menopause
Your forties are a time of change, I’m sure I read once that’s when the fun starts. The body changes and you cannot stop it. I want to help you accept it and embrace it…..cellulite, flabby bits and all!
We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.Ok
