My story continues…….

Today my hot flushes have reduced and my mood seems more stable. I feel happy and motivated. It’s nice to get a glimpse of the ‘old’ me. When I am on the hormonal rollercoaster I feel I lose my identity. I forget who I am and what my purpose is. When I’m in that place I find it very hard to think rationally. I didn’t really suffer with PMS and I can only imagine these feeling must be like PMS but amplified?
I keep a journal to keep a history of my moods and how I am feeling. I find this invaluable as a tool to off load as well as keeping track of my symptoms to see if there is any cycle. I don’t seem to have any cycle with my moods. I do not have periods so I have not hormonal cycle as I used to.
At the moment I am not taking any menopausal supplements or HRT as I am due to see a specialist and no doubt this will mean more blood tests. I want to have a clear base line to work from. I am really trying to eat well by focusing on eating lots of vegetables and have all but eliminated wheat from my diet. I try and avoid sugar but sometimes I cannot resist. What I am learning is not to be too hard on myself. I am trying to be kind to myself and stop the internal negative chatter. This is easier said than done and takes practise.
I have gained a stone over the last year and cannot get into my jeans from last year. This is very disappointing and I feel I have let myself down as I am a Fitpro who ‘should know better’. I am a human being who is doing the nest she can. I am very tempted to do the quick diet fix to drop weight quickly buit I know that this will only work for me short term and I will rebound.
Today for the first time in months I felt like I wanted to train with weights again. I started with light weights and did a short ten minute workout. I am really proud of myself. It felt really good and I want to feel good so I will continue. It would be easy for me to berate myself for getting fat and stopping training. What would work better, shouting at someone for being fat useless or encouraging and supporting someone? Now this is a change for me and it has taken a lot of mindful work. My journey has only just started. All this experience helps me empathise with others. I know how it feels!
keep smiling x