Here is a great guest blog from my new friend Liz from The Little Shop of Erotic Delights.
Sex and menopause are not really talked about. It needs to be, the more we talk about it the less hang ups we will have 🙂
So often, we’re bombarded with negative medical information about the menopause and it’s content certainly makes me recoil as a sexually adventurous forty ‘something’. Sure, the menopause messes up our hormones and that includes an effect on our sexual mojo. Including: Vaginal dryness, libido, sleep problems, sweats, body image and ageing. Woah… what a lovely list to begin with!! Although these things have a huge impact on us emotionally and physically, it needn’t
mean the end of a healthy and abundant sex life. It just means we need to navigate around the issues and fit our sex life in around the positive up times. Many of us may only have mild menopause symptoms, others the whole lot and the lucky
ones just sail through it – damn them.
The main asset to any woman, peri-menopausal or full flush, is a supportive partner. They need to fully understand how we feel, that doesn’t mean give it to them both barrels midflush and in an emotional rant. Pick a moment where you can discuss the new found menopause elephant in the bedroom. Help them understand, that sometimes you just don’t feel like making love and other times you are as rampant as an alley cat. Explain how your body changes are making you feel
uncomfortable and sometimes unattractive – be open and honest. Communication is your ally.
If your partner loves you, they will love all of you. It’s not just YOUR menopause, it affects your partner too, therefore, it’s their responsibility to help and support you through it. A problem shared and all that.
Mr Delights my partner, compares me to Joan Collins in a recent chocolate bar campaign -we laugh about it. (Humour is a tonic!) I can get a little Diva-ish when my blood sugar is low or I’m tired from a broken sleep pattern.
I began having peri-menopausal problems about 4 years ago, it wasn’t such a big surprise to me, my own Mother was an early starter, as were her sisters. So, when I started have hot flushes like a volcano erupting, I knew exactly what it was.
My emotions can be erratic too, one minute I can be laughing and the next in a puddle of tears. It’s like PMT on steroids. Sex is also affected – one minute I can’t get enough and then I can’t be bothered. I don’t get caught up in the frequency, I concentrate more on the quality. I actively make time, when it’s my up time and (pardon the pun) I don’t sweat it when I’m off peak. Women go from having monthly PMT to monstrous menopause in what seems the blink of an eye but it really does not mean the end of something, it means a new chapter begins.
Sex is one way to keep feeling attractive and desirable again – the menopause does not mean the end of being sexy. So how do you maintain a happy, abundant and healthy sex life balance?
Don’t pressure yourself – If you aren’t in the mood for a bit of rumpy pumpy that night, have some cuddles with a dvd and a bottle of wine. If it leads to sex… great, if you aren’t in the mood, let your partner know gently and simply re-schedule. ‘NO’ is bound to cause some rejection issues, LATERS BABY is the promise of more to come.
Invest in some gorgeous lingerie – Bound to make you feel sexy whether sex is on the cards or not. Lingerie is not just for your partner, it will assist in making you feel feminine and desirable. Make every day a sexy lingerie day.
Make a Date Night – The promise of a regular special seductive night can do wonders for bringing you closer to your partner. Put it in the diary – intent is everything. Get that sexy lingerie on and be the seducer. Take control back from your menopause.
Culinary Foreplay – Cook some libido enhancing foods – food and diet are key to feeling better and also some pack a punch in the bedroom. Read more about libido enhancing foods here… http://littleshopoferoticdelights.wordpress.com/2011/11/07/6-power-foods-to-fuel-your-libido/
Be Playful – Life is dull without fun – so why not leave a little love note in their lunch box or sexy text them throughout the day. Let them know how much you love them and if you are game on for some bedroom delights, be explicit. Send a few throughout the day and one as they are leaving work. You will definitely be in for some fun when they come through the door.
Create Adventure – As relationships move on, it can be all too easy to get into a rut. A quick under cover fumble is ok every now and again but it shouldn’t become a habit. With all the frenzy of 50 shades of Grey, more women are turning to sex toys and role play than ever before. Why not try a little light bondage, a sleep mask and a man’s tie would do the trick. Power play, allow your lover to dominate you or try the reverse. Variety is the spice of life.
PS: Don’t forget lube… lube is the greatest friend of the menopausal sex kitten.
Learn to Love Yourself – Your body is changing and will continue to do so – work what Mother Nature gave you. Find things you love about your body: boobs? eyes? bum? Concentrate on the positives and try not to be so hard on yourself. You are beautiful, you are attractive and confidence is the most attractive quality in anyone.
Regardless of age or size – you CAN rock that goddess!
Finally –The menopause is another journey we all need to navigate – being gentle on ourselves will lighten the load. Working with it, instead of fearing it is key – be proud of your journey as a woman, you’ve earned your stripes tiger!
Little Shop of Erotic Delights
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