They called me FAT!

So in the space of 24 hours two professionals suggested that i lose weight 🙁
I’ve got a mild prolapse and the extra weight is adding pressure to my pelvic floor.
Meh!
It is thought that one in two women have some sort of prolapse. It’s much more common post menopause because of the changing hormones. (if you think this may be you please don’t waste time getting it looked into)
My womens health physio suggested that i lose the visceral fat I’ve got around my belly and my internal organs…..
Then my GP asked me how much weight i’ve put on since my early menopause….
They didn’t call me fat but that’s how my brain interpreted it lol
i put on around 2 stone four years ago and I ‘had’ found some peace with my curvier shape.
What with that and my ongoing digestive issues which cause pain and bloating that resembles being five months pregnant I was feeling a little dejected 🙁
So last week I embarked on playing with a new eating plan mainly to focus on my digestion which i was hoping would address the extra weight.
I duly logged my foods and symptoms.
Looked at new recipes.
Joined the Facebook group.
Became a little obsessed.
……and then wanted to eat ALL THE FOOD……my cravings returned….my old ‘disordered food’ obsessions were triggered and I was in full on DIET MODE.
ARGH!!! Noooooooo.
I felt deprived, miserable and a failure as I was eating foods not on the plan.
So yesterday I paused, stepped back and looked at the bigger picture.
What was really going on? What was the deeper story here? Why did I really want to lose weight?
I am worried about what people think of me 🙁 Oh hello my old friend self-obsession 😉
I wasn’t loving and accepting who I am and how I look.
I have two events coming up that I have perceived as a threat as I have told myself I should look a certain way. One event is in-front of a new audience as the ‘menopause fitness expert’ and the other I’m in-front of my peers.
My brain freaked out and went into full on fight, flight or freeze mode.
STRESS!
My body has been pumping me full of cortisol in response to the perceived threat (the events).
And the ironic thing is one of the ‘negative’ results of high levels of cortisol are belly fat!! Exactly the type of fat that we post menopause ladies hang onto. (there are other reasons too but more about that next week).
So me stressing to lose weight is actually making my body hang on to or even gain more belly fat!
Ha! The reason it does this is so if we need the extra energy its easily accessible. Aren’t our bodies amazing??
Yesterday I stepped away from the ‘diet’ and am refocusing on relaxation and fun!
I’m having two days off to chill out and regroup 🙂 I’m actually going to be in Windsor in a lovely hotel with my husband.
Time to disconnect from the b*llshit and reconnect with myself, my body and my husband.
Lots of love
Tanith x