2nd January 2025 – 16 years of sobriety – One Day At A Time ODAAT.
Alcohol, addiction and menopause. Today I celebrate 16 years of sobriety, which means I haven’t intentionally used illegal drugs or drunk alcohol for a long time. To be honest, I don’t know if the 2nd of January is my actual sobriety date because all those memories are very hazy. Let’s be honest, a lot of my life is blacked out because of alcohol.
January 2009, I was a few days dry after another awful Christmas bender. I hated myself so much that I thought stepping through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous meant the end of my life. Little did I know I would be given the best life ever!
I don’t often mention AA because, for decades, the stigma around alkies and addiction was awful, so everyone wanted to remain anonymous. But also, anonymity is part of AA traditions to keep the meetings, people and program safe. Yet, here I am talking about it.
What’s this got to do with menopause?
Mrs Menopause was born sixteen years ago only because I shared my premature menopause experience on social media to help myself. Before then, I was teaching health and fitness in my local community. I hadn’t thought of the word menopause, let alone think I would go on to create a business around it. Premature menopause was confirmed the same year I hit addiction rock bottom and found recovery. It’s only now, age 52 and 16 years post menopause, that I am connecting my early menopause, addiction rock bottom, chronic pain and probably some trauma. Now I have seen the connection I can see the alcohol addiction and menopause link.
I am just exploring these connections and will be sharing more along my journey.
The joy of sobriety
In 2025, I feel drawn back to writing and sharing my experience of sobriety as well as a fantastic system that has helped me in the last 18 months.
The alcoholism, recovery and addiction world has changed dramatically since AA was created in 1935. I have seen it change and evolve even within the 16 years I’ve been ‘in the rooms’. When I stumbled, terrified, lost, and hopeless into the rooms of AA, alcoholism and addiction were dirty words. My view on alcoholics was derogatory, but I was desperate, and I had tried so many other ways to stop boozing. A lot of people around me struggled with my addiction. They said, “You’re not an addict” or “You’re not that bad”. When I stopped drinking, I was often told, “Go on, just have one drink”, but the truth was I could rarely have one drink. I understand their reticence; they had their judgements and preconceptions on addicts.
Alcoholic/addict/problem drinker/alcohol dependent/binge drink – pick your label if you wish
My brain likes to question if I’m really an alcoholic. Maybe I was just alcohol addictively to deal with the menopause. I don’t think it matters about the label we may or may not give ourselves. Some people recoil from the label alcoholic. It doesn’t matter what we call ourselves, if we think we have a problem with alcohol, then that’s all we need to know. Awareness and acceptance are the first steps to sobriety. Today I choose to call myself a recovered addict/alcoholic because I don’t drink or use. I have a friend who comes to recovery meetings and doesn’t identify with being an alcoholic but ‘has the desire to stop drinking’ and is welcomed without question.
In parts of today’s society, choosing not to drink is questioned less. That feels nothing short of miraculous. It gives me hope that society can change and evolve positively. It’s more socially acceptable not to drink. You can see the shift, just look at the non-alcoholic alternatives on the shelves. In ‘my day’ you could choose from J2O, diet Coke or sparkling water. It’s bloody brilliant!
16 lessons and musings from my time in recovery and being clean and sober.
- It’s not just about stopping the substance being used addictively. Weirdly booze and drugs were my fucked up way of coping with a life that felt hard to be in. They worked until they didn’t.
- I needed to change my attitude and beliefs and stop believing the negative shit.fm script that was running my life.
- Just stopping drinking and being teetotal didn’t work for me. I needed a deeper change to help me break free from the addictive behaviours.
- I couldn’t do it alone. I needed to be with others on the same journey and to connect with a higher power.
- I needed a mentor, someone who had experienced the same shame and darkness as me, would not judge me, and would guide me through the process.
- I needed to practice self-kindness and self-compassion (this is still a work in progress)
- Sharing what I’d learnt from the AA program with others helped deepen my understanding and it also made me think of myself less but without ignoring my own needs.
- Recovery has shown me how strong and resilient I am. Even to this day, without using booze/drugs as a crutch for 16 years, the alkie script will tell me not to celebrate and that my recovery isn’t good enough.
- There are many different ways for people to stop or moderate their drinking, drug use, food, work, etc., and what other people choose to do is none of my fucking business There is not just one way to be sober; it’s up to me to find my way, and my way has evolved over the years.
- Just because I stopped drinking and using doesn’t mean that my life would be amazing. Yes, it was a million times better but shit happens! Recovery means I have learnt new ways of coping with the crap that life sometimes throws at us.
- A life free of alcohol and drugs has given me a completely new perspective. I see life in colour now. Life has a different meaning, I see joy in the simplicity of things.
- Addiction is a cruel killer condition, whatever the substance, it eats away at your fucking soul and as difficult and as hard as it was to face it, it’s worth the discomfort. Freedom is priceless.
- A big part of my recovery was letting go of blame and resentment and taking personal responsibility for ‘keeping my side of the street clean’. I learnt to accept that most people are doing the best they can with the information and ability they have. That was a tough one to understand.
- Stopping drinking was only part of recovery. I needed more help. I needed to be aware of the nonsense conversation that was going on in my head. The second part of my recovery began in April 2022 when I went on a 5-day experience called Broadband Consciousness. I was shown how the negative inner voice (which includes the addictive script) has been the one that’s caused my misery, distress, and disconnectedness my whole life.
- Recovery has shown me that I don’t need to take life or myself so seriously. I wanted recovery to make my life better, not to be miserable about it. I have to remind myself this often as I can sometimes take life seriously. As well as tragedy and pain, there is also love, support, and laughter in the rooms.
- For me, recovery and emotional sobriety thrive with daily action and awareness. I do this by connecting with others, helping people, especially newbies, writing, reading and practising gratitude for the gift of sobriety.
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We are not alone. If you think you have a problem with booze or drugs there is help out there. Feel free to message me if you wanna chat xx
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An estimated 400 million people, or 7% of the world’s population aged 15 years and older, live with alcohol use disorders. Of this, 209 million people (3.7% of the adult world population) lived with alcohol dependence. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/alcohol
AA isn’t my whole life, but it made my life whole – author unknown
